Approaching Midlife: Conclusion

When I wrote on Tiberr about featuring this guest post series on my blog I never expected the response that I got. My purpose was, and still is, to start to get people to share their own stories. In the end these four women took their time to write for me and emailed be their responses. Each one of them tells a different story.

There will be more guest posts still to come on different topics. I hope to get the same amount of encouraging responses like this one did. I don't want to be repetitive so I will try to think of unique ways in how I go about approaching future guest posts.

For now, enjoy the following from "Approaching Midlife" guest post series:

1. "Who's That Girl" by Vicky Harinski
2. "Life Lessons" by Elizabeth C.
3. "Life at 29 vs. Life at 38" by Autumn Thomas
4. "The Final Story" by Meg Wood

Free your mind, read and just enjoy! Simple.
Thank you once again Vicky, Elizabeth, Autumn and Meg!

Approaching Midlife: The Final Story

So we finally come to an end with the guest post series "Approaching Midlife". I wanted to save this one until last because I felt it makes a great concluding piece on all the things that were discussed and shared in the previous three guest posts. I won't write my own thoughts after this piece; this time I'll let it speak for itself...

The last post is by Meg Wood. She is a wife to a great husband and a mother to two fabulous kids. She is living in the crazy South in the big beautiful Dallas, Texas! When she is not working or blogging she works as a research analyst.

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Lessons learned…

At age forty I feel like I have at least a good fifty years of learning left. I hope I have received the hardest

lessons already. When thinking back over the last twenty years, I would have to say five things stand out

for me.

Choose your life partner carefully. It seems that we are in a time where relationships are disposable and

we enter into them with the understanding that we can replace that person if someday they don’t fit

our needs. Research is showing that stability is critical for good development in children and divorce is

damaging to that development. I have learned that my children need a stable environment, I brought

them in to this world and it’s my responsibility to sacrifice for them.

Your carefully chosen life partner is human and will grow and change just like you do. People

change physically, they change their opinions and they change mentally as they learn. This is where

communication comes in; you have to stay in touch with your partners needs as you both grow.

Assuming that they will always be there no matter what is taking advantage of their commitment.

Refusing to listen and acknowledge unhappiness is setting a stage for disaster.

For Better or Worse does not mean for better or not so great. Worse=partner with cancer.

Worse=bankruptcy/failed business. Worse=Depression. Worse=Affair. Worse is subjective and

sometimes not even close to what we would expect. I never expected my husband to have online

affairs, I assumed that he understood that he was married and he loved me just as much as he did on

day one and it would never cross his mind. I was wrong and it was worse.

Don’t go through life numb. The phrase, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, is so true on so

many levels. Our society today is going to great lengths to stay numb to any hint of physical or mental

pain. How do you gauge where you are and how you are if you have no gauge? If your arm is numb

how do you know if it’s broken or if it’s perfectly fine? Life experiences, bad, good, not so good, all

contribute to your wisdom and growth. There are traumas and experiences that people need help

getting through. The key here is getting through, not staying numb because of. You come out stronger

on the other side. In 2005 there were approximately 27 million people in the US on anti-depressant’s,

that’s staggering. That’s a numb society that is losing the benefit of life experience.

Love every day, it might be your last. You have an expiration date no matter how young you are. The

only thing you truly leave is your memory and how you impacted other people’s lives. If I learned

anything from my husband’s affairs it was just how simple it is to choose in some small way every day

to keep that supply of love flowing to the people that need it from you and never assume that they just

know because they should. Tell them, show them and live it.

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I think this piece speaks out so many emotions; her words were truthful and inspirational. I couldn't have asked for a better 'ending' to this series. Thank you very much Meg. 

Feel free to leave your thoughts below.

You can reach Meg from the following:

Blog:

http://catchthecheat.blogspot.com/

Email:

honestydaily@gmail.com

Twitter:

https://twitter.com/#!/MegCTC

Approaching Midlife: Life at 29 VS. Life at 38

Another story. Another perspective. Enjoy...

The third post is by Autumn Tomas. She is a writer, educator, consultant, partner and mother of three children. Living in Jacksonville, Florida, she loves the sunshine, the ocean, warm weather and sharing her thoughts with others!

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"I was born May 27, 1974, which means that I will be 38 on my next birthday. Nine years have gone by since I was in my 20’s. When I look back at the woman who I was 29 years, I don’t even recognize her. Who I am today is so much more and so much better than I was at 29, but I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been that girl first.

At 29, I was thin. My body was firm and perky. I colored my hair because I like to change

shades. I wore makeup to make myself look prettier. In my 20’s, I ate what tasted good but not what was good for me. My only exercise was taking my children on walks. I dressed to entice and attract. I worked hard and enjoyed my job. I loved being a mom. My children thought that everything I did was awesome and cool. I had good friends and I lived close to my entire family in my small village. I turned heads when I walked into a room.

At 29, I was insecure. I let other people guide my choices. I thought that I had to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I didn’t like myself. I was in an abusive marriage and I thought that it was my responsibility to fix it. I worried constantly about my self-image. I didn’t spend any time on self-reflection. My focus in my 20’s was about getting married and having babies. I didn’t know how to be single so I tolerated abuse from men because they gave me attention. My memory of that year is one of being unhappy, scared and stressed. At 29, I knew how to put on a “good face” to the world.

Next month, I will be 38. I’m not as thin as I was 9 years ago, but I am healthy and curvy in all

the right places. I color my hair now to hide those unwanted grays, but I change the shade based on my mood. I like my face so I wear makeup to enhance rather than attract. I still enjoy my food, but I have found that healthier food tastes better in my 30’s than it did in my 20’s. I work out 4 days a week for strength and for mental wellness. I still wear whatever I want but now it is for my enjoyment. I love being a mom but I am not their entire world anymore. Now, I’m mostly a loving, slightly embarrassing mother. I am blessed with amazing friends and a family that is separated by physical miles, but not emotional separation. I still turn heads when walk into a room.

At almost 38, I am secure in my own skin and I make choices based on my needs and wants. I am not perfect and I am totally happy with that fact. My relationship is healthy and it operates on respect, love, and the pure desire to be with each other. I am a single mother and very proud of the job that I have done raising my three children. I don’t look for approval from anyone. I give back to my community through volunteering. A night out is really a night in with friends and family, good wine and good food or a movie on the couch with my kids, even though they are teenagers and I’m not as cool as I once was.

In my 20’s, I was constantly looking for something. I was so focused on what my life was

supposed to be like that I missed actually living the life that I had. In my 30’s, I rid myself of everything that hurt me or held me back and I started my life over again. I found joy in simple things like spending time with my kids, having cocktails on the patio with my mom, or walking on the beach by myself. In my 20’s, I didn’t know what I wanted with my life. I kept thinking that having a man to love was the answer to all my troubles.  In my 30’s, I took the time to be single and figure out who I was and where I wanted to be. I found my own worth and realized that I had to like myself before anyone else would like me.

As I approach 38, I no longer dread it. My 30’s have been about self discovery and learning to love myself. Where I once thought that the 20’s were about building my life, I now realize that I was too young to appreciate my life in my 20’s. I was too busy worrying about what everyone else thought about me rather than figuring out what I thought about me. In my 30’s, I have found my soul, my heart, my life. Now, I look forward to being 38 as another year to learn and grow and live. I know that I am blessed to have this wonderful life and I appreciate every day, even those days when I am running late, spill my morning tea, and lose my directions. I’m here and I’m grateful."

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"In my 20’s, I was constantly looking for something. I was so focused on what my life was supposed to be like that I missed actually living the life that I had."

What Autumn has written here resonates with me so much. I am 19 years old, approaching 20. That makes me still young compared to these women who have shared a part of their life with me on this blog. I guess at this point in my life, I want to tell you the three things that are deeply embedded within me at the age of 19.

Number one: I am young; I am ambitious. I have big plans and big goals for myself. I want to have a purpose and I want to contribute greatly to society in this life. This part of me makes me very driven to work hard, to learn and to succeed. You could say that at this age this is a very good thing.

Number two: I am young; I am restless. I'm always searching for the big excitement; anything that makes me feel alive. That keeps me searching for the greener grasses on the other side. 

Number three: I am young; I am curious. I question most things and I am never happy until I get down to the bottom of my questions; even the little things. I am always searching for my purpose and what my life is "supposed to be" all about. This part of me makes me a thinker. But thinking too much is never a good thing.

Reading what Autumn has written makes me be aware of these traits and also give me some wake up call. The driven part of me makes me committed to my studies and my learning and my passions. I love this part of me because it makes me independent and it challenges me to increase my capabilities and my skills to do many things. 

The restless part of me makes me have new experiences. But it also makes it very hard for me to fully live in the present. I forget that excitement can come in little things also, that may not be there in the future and when they are gone I may wonder where did they all go? I went to the cinema with a lovely friend of mine today and I truly enjoyed that moment. In that moment, I didn't think about what I wanted to do afterwards, what I should do or what I could be doing. It's very rare for me to feel this way. I loved the time I spent with my friend to talk about what has been going on in our lives and watch the movie (Prometheus 3D; I truly recommend you go see it 3D!). I realised how I was absorbed in all of the emotions I felt at that time without thoughts of dissatisfaction getting in the way. Moreover, it's the summer holidays now and I am back at home where it's much quieter and very much less exciting than when I am in another city of my University. I was caught up in planning about the things I want to do and doing those things on my list one by one to fill up my free time. I forget how I've been given an opportunity to takes things slowly and not just to spend time with my family but actually cherish it, instead of searching for the next big excitement. Life is only going to get busier after these three months. I know I won't get as much free time in the coming years to spend at home hence more reason to find greatness in the simple things. And that includes even the most simple things that you may hate to do [I'll leave it to you to insert your own example here and I challenge you to try to find some ways to enjoy that moment where you are doing something that you completely hate].

The curious part of me makes it harder for me to trust my instincts without thoughts getting in the way. I love the part of me that loves to be involved in digging up on many mysteries and to be deeper than relying on shallow appearances. But by always searching for my purpose and thinking to much into my life makes me forget to have more faith and trust in life. If you ask me, Win, what do you want your life's purpose to be about? I would probably say "Well, I want to help many people in a lot of ways and have a big impact in society but... that is all I know. And it is such a broad purpose. How can I do that? How do I get there?" After reading Autumn's guest post and how she has reached this far within around 10 years, I ask myself why do I want to know so much? Do you really want to know? The answer is no, I don't.  I forget to have faith in life itself, to know that if I play my part well I am already half way there, to realise that there will be things that I can't control (and I must not try to control those things or most importantly, to not try to control people), to know that when I choose to trust and believe in life, the rest will fall in to place and naturally play out for themselves in how it was meant to be. Whether I flow or resist the current, I will still get to the destination I am suppose to reach in this life anyways so why resist? I should just simply enjoy flowing in the current.

Thank you so much Autumn - your post has touched me in many ways and hopefully it will do that for many more people.

Leave your comments below.

You can reach Autumn from the following:

Wordpress:

http://autumnslife.wordpress.com/

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Autumns-Life/228388823897522

Twitter:

@autumntomas

Approaching Midlife: Life Lessons!

Finally summer holidays are here and my first year in university has finished! I thought I'd finally get on track with putting up these guests posts by the lovely ladies who took the time to write for me. Enjoy!

The second post is by Elizabeth C., who lives in Idaho. There she runs a small business, called Lizbeth's Garden, that sells handmade beaded tassels, both locally and on Etsy. She loves to read and she loves gardening! She also shares the flowers from her garden in her Etsy shop. Her links will be down below after her post so don't forget to go support her in her Etsy shop! 

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How to Be in the World

• People listen to what you say. You never know when someone will take your words to heart. I never want to hurt someone with my words.
• Live in the present. The past is past, dwelling on it won't change it.
• "Be the change you want to see in the world.” -Ghandi ; the world won't get better if you don't make an effort.

In the Work World (or, Being Professional)

• Always think before you speak.
• Always be polite.
• Don't tell your boss (or other superior) that he/she is wrong. If there is a problem, ask questions about how you could have done (or should do) something differently.
• Never hesitate to apologize if you've made a mistake. Be clear that it was your fault and that it won't happen again.
• Don't gossip.
• If you are upset about something about work, don't talk to anyone at work about it until you are over the initial anger and have calmed down a little.
• Under-promise, over-deliver. For example, if certain work needs a deadline, add a day (or more) to your timeline for completion. Then get it done before you said you would.

Raising Children

• Always make sure your walking path is clear when carrying a baby. It is so easy to trip and fall and drop the baby!
• If it won't make a difference in the long-term, don't fight what the child wants to do. Pale pink shirts and bright orange skirts don't go together, but if she picks it out herself, that's the important thing, not the clashing colors.
• Never promise anything (good or bad) if you can't or won't follow through.
• Take care of yourself, too. If you would take your kid to the doctor if he/she felt this way, take yourself.

Gardening

• You won't save money starting seeds yourself, but it is so rewarding to see those tiny green shoots poking through the soil.
• When pruning apple trees, make sure you leave lots of the short, stubby branches. Those are the only ones that make apples. You don't want to prune away all your apples.
• You can plant a lot closer than the planting instructions say. You get fewer weeds, but smaller plants.

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I think Elizabeth's life lessons were very practical. I like practical pieces of advice because I feel these speak from specific life experiences. At this point in my life, I am at a stage where I would not have to think about the "work world" or on "raising children" but I feel these are still good advice to follow up on. 

Reading Elizabeth's post makes me think about the typical stages I guess we all must go through in our lives: finish your education, get a job, marry and have children. But should they all be in this order?

One of the advice my mum always give to me is that as young women, we must always establish ourselves first before we get married or have children. What does she mean by "establishing ourselves"? She doesn't elaborate much on this but from my point of view, I think she means to be grounded in knowing who you are and what you want and being financially secure so that you can support yourself. 

This is coming from a wise woman, if I do say so myself, who was a zoologist; who married when she was around 30 years old and had children; who then moved to England with her husband and children to have a better quality of life. She has always told me and my sister to value the freedom that we have. In most traditional asian cultures, maybe not so much these days now but from my parents' generation and older, it is very typical for the man to be the 'worker' of the family and the women to stay at home and look after the house and the children.

I could never imagine living my life that way...yet. But I'm pretty sure when I do decide to marry and have children that I would want to stay independent with my own job. And I am pretty sure this is where the "freedom" part comes from- to have the option to do what you want, when you want and where you want before other responsibilities kick in. When you start having children, you make sure of course have to put their priorities first. 

Also, gender-wise, we have to realise that times are changing. Women are more powerful and have gained a greater amount of respect from society than many years ago. We are not expected to be stay-at-home mums anymore. We don't have to be stay-at-home mums. Instead we are now able to have the option to set good examples of being able to have children, raise them incredibly well and pursue your passions at the same time. I'm sure we are all strong enough to do so. 

So my advice to young women is to follow my mama's advice! Make sure you have pursued your passions and your dreams and have accomplished what you have always wanted to accomplish before you decide to marry and have children. Make sure you live up to your own potential first because then, you're going to have all those experiences and skills that you're going to be able to pass on to your children. Of course, when we are young we dream about the husband we would be married to and the (oh!) children we would like to have and how you are all going to pursue a life together! This kind of thought has probably passed your brain at least once. If you are an older reader, it probably did. It's romantic. But concentrate all that energy first into loving yourself, treating yourself right and making sure you reach up to your best potential. That way, you will know what kind of man is right for you and who is not. That way, when the time comes when you are ready for marriage and children, you can follow all of Elizabeth's advice and then even add a little of your own! 

You can reach Elizabeth from the following:

Blog: 

http://lizbethsgarden.com 

Etsy Shop:

http://lizbethsgarden.etsy.com

Twitter:

http://twitter.com/lizbethsgarden

Thank you very much Elizabeth.

Hope you all enjoyed Elizabeth's life lessons and my personal views.

Leave a comment below and share with us your own life lessons!

Win